Wine on the rocks, please.

So, anyone that knows me knows that, on occasion, I like a good glass of wine. These days I rarely get to enjoy one because they give me terrible migraines, but I can still dream. I was reading recently about the process of wine making and how a vineyard is run, and I discovered something wonderful. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, the Bible is full of parables about wine and vines and vineyards, but this one went straight to my heart. I learned that in a vineyard if grapevines are grown in quality soil, they only produce leaves. They actually need rocky, less quality soil in order to produce grapes. The plant needs to think that it’s going to have a tough year in order to produce abundant fruit. And it occurred to me that we are God's vineyard. Let me explain.

I never told anyone about the domestic violence or the rape. I just kept it to myself and I tried to live my life pretending it never happened. But the memories tormented me and it led me to a life I am not very proud of. There was a time when I shut the people who loved me out of my life and I had a secret life that included a lot of alcohol and drugs. I would party all night and then go to bed and pray to God that He please not let me wake up in the morning. One night I was invited to a party at a private resort on the lake and woke up the next morning all alone in a room, not remembering anything but the drive there and the first snort of cocaine. I guess you could say it was my “ah ha” moment.

All I could think of was 'what if I had overdosed, what if the men at the party had had their way with me and then dumped me in the lake, what if my parents had gotten THAT phone call'…I didn’t want them to get THAT phone call! I sat there and cried and for the first time in months I actually cared whether I lived or died. I cried out to God for help. That 21 year old me was definitely planted in rocky soil!! Let’s just say my roots were laying on pure stone! I had hit the bottom...there was no where to go but up. I believed in God, but I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. My prayer went something like this...

"God, I need your help. I have no idea what I’m doing, I just know I can’t keep doing this. Please help me! Please make the pain go away. Please help me get my family back. Please help me figure out what to do with my life. You need to help me do this because I can’t do this by myself. I’ve messed things up so bad, I don’t want to mess up anymore."

Just weeks later He put people in my path that invited me to church and just a few weeks after that I had a Bible in my hands. It wasn’t too long until I was kneeling beside the couch asking Jesus to be my Lord and Savior.

Something else that I learned about the Vineyard is that even the pieces that they prune off the vine are left on the ground next to the plant so they can go back into the earth and feed the soil. I think it’s the perfect analogy for our relationship with God. Even the parts of our lives that we feel aren’t worthy of Him, He uses to feed our lives. They are the lessons that remind us of His grace and His mercy. Although that was the hardest time of my life, I am grateful for the lesson and the grace that was brought forth because of it. My faith is stronger because of it. I know that God can get me through anything! I know that I can go to Him and He will always be there. And the lives that He has touched with my testimony because of what He’s done for me is a gift. It’s not a gift to me, it is a gift for others. And I am humbled that He would choose to use me to give that gift. We serve an awesome and mighty God. Why anyone would turn to something else or someone else besides Jesus, I cannot fathom. Who else would take domestic and sexual abuse and turn it into a gift? Who else would love so unconditionally? Who else would die for even me? Only Jesus... only Jesus.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.