Whatever you do...don't get him wet!

You can't watch TV these days without seeing a commercial or two depicting an old 80's movie. I recently saw a soda commercial playing off of the "Gremlins" movie and an insurance commercial using the infamous scary movie scenario. It's fun to see for people my age. Those movies were new back in my day. But I find it interesting that marketing gurus realize the genius in it. Those movies are classics. It doesn't matter your age, your gender, your ethnicity... you know when you see that little Gremlin popping off into multiple pieces, chaos is right around the corner!

What always irritates me about movies like that, is the person who fails - the guy that gets the Gremlin wet. Every person watching knows exactly what's going to happen. Why? Because we've all heard the instructions, just like he has. We've all heard "don't let the fuzzy, little guy get wet UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!" We understand WET = BAD. So, why doesn't the guy in charge of the Gremlin know that?

He does.

Of course he does, he's just chosen not to listen. Hearing and listening are two completely different things. Ask any wife, any mom, any PARENT... they'll tell you. I wish I had a dollar for every time I said, "Are you listening to me?"

We all do it - that convenient listening thing. We hear what we want to hear, we see what we want to see. Naturally, I see things from a survivor's perspective, but I've talked with enough families of victims and survivors that I feel I have a firm grasp on their side of the situation. And most of them say they knew something was wrong from the very beginning... kind of.

It's easy to say, looking back. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I've heard many victims say they don't want to involve their families, only for them to find out in the end that their families already knew. I've had parents, siblings, sometimes even best friends call and ask how they can help a loved one in a violent situation. What family members don't understand is in some cases, the victim chooses not to reach out to protect them. That sounds absurd to some, but it's true. The abuser has threatened to harm the victim's family if she doesn't follow his rules, if she leaves, if she tells. Her silence is their safety. And if by chance, she thinks they suspect something is wrong, she will remain silent. It is the unspoken rule. His continuous dehumanization of her self-worth and character have led her to believe every other person on this earth is more important than her. She'll take whatever she "has coming" to keep others safe.

And there's always the classic - "It's none of my business what happens behind closed doors. I knew their relationship wasn't perfect, but nobody's relationship is perfect." That one angers me. Thousands of lives are lost every year in this country because "It was none of my business." Those are words of a coward. Those are replacement words for "I don't want to get involved" or "I don't want to put forth any effort" or "I don't care" or "If I see their mess, I might have to deal with mine."

What scares me is that cowardice has started to take over our communities. I have a hard time believing that we can ignorantly go through our daily lives and not notice 10 million people become victims of domestic violence every year in our country. Which means we notice, but we've chosen to not listen... not to care. We've taken the gutless path and decided it was none of our business.

Who's business is it? Maybe we should all think about that. Do you know anyone who has been affected by domestic or sexual violence? Are you sure? 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Think about that the next time you're in room of people - school, work, church... family gathering. Think about the statistics of how many of them could be victims or survivors. How would you feel if they had the courage to reach out for help and no shelter had space or funds to help? What if there was no domestic violence shelter in the area? What if her church or your church wasn't prepared to help? What would she do? What would you do?

We all know someone who's been directly affected by domestic or sexual violence. All of us. Even if we don't know, we do. It is your business. It is my business. It's OUR business. Every victim belongs to someone. They are real people, not just a statistic. They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, and grandchildren. Someday, they could belong to us.

We have a long way to go to fulfill the plan God has for this world. We are to take care of each other, to love one another... to care. We've gotten so focused on looking at the 'big picture' and letting someone else take care of people that we've forgotten to look in our own communities, our own church, our own back yard. It's much easier to turn on that convenient listening than deal with the mess... trust me, I know. But in the end, this Gremlin doesn't just create chaos, this Gremlin kills.

1 John 3:17-18

But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.