Seriously? Duct tape?

My dad was a handyman when it came to cars. He prided himself as a “car guy.” So, we didn’t buy new cars. We didn’t even buy slightly used cars. We bought older cars that Dad could fix. When I was in high school, I had the privilege of driving whatever car Dad had running at the moment. I’m not complaining. For a few years I drove a station wagon. My friends loved it! I could fit the whole crew in my car. It saved all of us gas money, because everyone would chip in and we just used my car.

I do remember one time when I had to drive this old white thing. I dreaded driving that thing. It had no power steering, the heat worked when it wanted to, and it made horrible noises. But we lived 5 miles from school and having my own vehicle was much more convenient after practices than waiting for my parents to get off work. We used to tease Dad that he could fix a car with duct tape and clothes pins. Guess where that joke came from? Yep. My friends somehow discovered the duct tape and clothes pins under the hood that held that clunker together.

But in all that teasing, I never expected or even wanted a new car. A few of the other kids in our school got new cars on their 16th birthday and most of us thought that was just so unnecessary. Why? The rest of us drove older cars or pickups. We were a farming community. A small, Midwest, rural town where everyone knew how much money your family had no matter what you drove to school. So, what was the point?

Maybe there was no point. Maybe that parent just wanted their child to have a reliable car and they could afford it, so that’s what happened. Maybe that family never thought about how it would "look," or as many “what if’s” as I did. Maybe that child grew up not thinking about all the things I think about. Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to deal with all that stuff in your head?

So, here’s my thought... do you have to know bad to recognize good? Do you have to feel a negative in order to appreciate a positive? I would love to be able to say my children grew up never experiencing anything negative in this world, but that would be a lie. They didn’t get new cars on their 16th birthdays. In fact, they paid their own way in almost all instances. At the time, it happened that way because financially we didn’t have a choice, but as I look back, I’m not sure I would change a lot of it. Sure, I would change some little things along the way, but as a whole, no.

I don't say that because I was a great parent or because I didn't make any mistakes. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I say that because as I look back now, I can see that I threw the fears of my past into almost every parenting decision I ever made. I made them uphold a list of standards that was almost impossible to keep. Somewhere in my head I was thinking "if I could do it, you can do it." And yet, through it all, they loved me. Don’t get me wrong, we had our moments, but somehow I have four great kids.

Here's my question... my kids are the perfect example of empathy. And even though I am very proud of how they live their lives and how they treat others, I know where that empathy comes from. But isn’t that what we’re called to do? To love your neighbor as yourself? To treat others like we would want to be treated? Would that still have happened without all my mistakes, without knowing struggle?

How do we learn or appreciate joy and happiness if we’ve never felt pain? Never been hurt? Never been disappointed? How do we truly know how to love if we don’t know hate or anguish?

I have witnessed and felt two kinds of true joy in my lifetime. The first comes from pure innocence. The giggle of baby. The belly laugh of a toddler. The laughter of a child who knows no pain of heart. And the second is knowing pure love. For me, pure love comes from a place in my heart that is only there because I understand how valuable life is. When I see my children walk down the aisle, I see them planning a future with someone they trust. I see them wanting to be parents, even though their parents weren't perfect. When I hold my grandson, I realize this little person just sees Grandma. He doesn't see all my doubts and fears, and how awesome that is.

And every time I hug one of my kids, I think "Thank you, Jesus!" Because by all right and reason, I should not be here. I could name a dozen times that He could have just answered my prayers and let me leave this world, but instead, He chose to keep me here. Back then, I didn't understand why, but I do now. So, I know some people will disagree with me, and I'm okay with that. But I think we face adversity for a reason. I also think everyone's reason is different.

But please, don't go seeking it... It will find you soon enough.

1 Peter 5:10 ESV

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.