Salvation on cassette

Sometimes a memory is just a glimpse or flashing thought of days gone by, but there are times when a memory is so much more. Times when it is engraved upon our heart, branded there for eternity. A moment in time we will never forget. Those are God's reminders of His grace and His mercy. A love only He is capable of.

I've been "reminded" several times lately of just how much He loves me. Probably because I needed it. It always amazes me how the God that created Heaven and Earth knows what "little ole me" needs. I am but a droplet in the ocean, yet He knows my heart.

Recently, I was at a women's Bible study group when the conversation turned to baptism. A few of the ladies started sharing their experience of when they were baptized and how it made them feel. It was a small group and I felt like I should say something, but I was honest and told them my baptism as an adult wasn't really a life changing experience for me. I did it because God's word told me to. But giving my life to the Lord... that's a different story. That's a memory engraved upon my heart.

I was engaged to my girls' dad, and we lived together. We had been at his sister's house to visit her family one Sunday afternoon and while we were there, she mentioned to me how she was about to start a Bible plan and read the Bible in a year. I thought that was just outrageous! Who in their right mind would even attempt something like that?! I didn't say that out loud, but I was definitely thinking it!

I believed in God. I have always believed in God. But at that time, this little Catholic girl only knew the Bible verses she had to memorize and had never really opened a Bible to READ it. I just knew it was big with small print and difficult to read. I was also already a victim of domestic and sexual violence, and NO ONE knew. My heart and my attitude were skeptical, to say the least.

The grace and mercy of God never ceases to amaze me! And you can't tell me He doesn't have a sense of humor... He took my totally messed up life and paired it up with a preacher's son. So, after we got home that evening and I said something sarcastic about reading the Bible in a year, he disappeared for a moment and returned with a giant shoe box. The box was filled with the Bible on cassette tapes. He explained the easiest way to read the Bible the first time is to listen to it and follow along in the Bible at the same time.

I walked past that box and the Bible he set out for me for weeks! He never asked me about it, never encouraged me to start. Life just kept on going - as we walked around that pile in the living room. He worked nights and I worked days, so I had lots of time to myself in the evenings - a lot of time to stare at that box.

Until I didn't. I stopped walking around the pile and put the first tape in the stereo. I followed his instruction and started with the gospel of Matthew (not in Genesis). He had even bookmarked it in the Bible. I listened. And listened and listened. Night after night. Until one night I found myself kneeling at the sofa, the tears flowing uncontrollably. For the first time in my entire life, I knew I could trust someone. Jesus died for ME - for MY sins! He traded His life so that I could go to heaven. No one on earth would do that for me... no one! I had never known a love like that. I never felt like I belonged anywhere until that moment.

Through the tears, I prayed. I laid every burden at His feet. I asked Him to forgive me for all the mistakes I'd made. And I asked Him to take over, to be my Light, be my Salvation. That night was the beginning of my walk with Christ. Our conversations started that summer night, and they still take place today.

I know it's common for people to say when you make that decision to walk with Christ, it's "asking Him into your heart." And you can call it whatever you want to. But I don't think of it that way. For me, it was giving my life to Him. I handed Him a life broken, vandalized, and unloved. And in return I received forgiveness, grace and mercy - love in it's purest form.

It quickly reminds me of the difference between the person that knelt beside the sofa that night and the woman writing this today. That woman could scarcely see a future. She was trying so hard to find the will to breathe - to find LIFE. Now I look back at all the things He's done in my life and think WOW... I didn't see that coming! It's just proof that if Jesus can use ME, He can use anyone! If we turn our life, our heart, over to Him, He's free to do miracles. Miracles that will leave a lasting impression upon our heart.

1 Samuel 16:7 ESV

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”