Refresh, restore, renew

I'm not sure how many more excuses I can come up with to not write this blog. I've known for weeks what God wanted me to say but He's really asking me to step outside my comfort zone. It is in times like these when I remember how scary it was to post my very first blog. How I was just sure my world would fall apart if people knew the real story about me. But in that same moment, I also remember the feeling of total relief and freedom that came from letting go of such a heavy burden.

I know in my head that God knows what’s best for me. But my heart still feels the fear of what others might think. I guess that's the definition of faith... To walk through the fear.

Last year at about this time, we were wrapping up our second Prairie Fire Conference. I had spoken during the conference and had spent hours ministering prayer to others. I was physically and emotionally drained! And I was about to drive home through a blizzard, which at the time didn't seem that daunting compared to the day that had just transpired.

I was getting ready to leave but asked if a couple of other conference speakers would pray with me before I left. I just felt like God needed to restore and refresh me before I walked out the door. In our small little prayer group that evening, someone prayed for God to restore me, and to give me a moment with Him alone in my time of exhaustion. What happened next is engraved on my heart for the rest of my life.

I had a vision, the most intense, realistic vision I've ever had. I know that I know that I know that I was in the presence of God that evening.

I was sitting on a rock, a big boulder along the edge of a river, just enjoying the peacefulness, when I heard a voice say, “walk through the river.” I was intimidated at first but something in me knew I had to take that first step into the water. And as I walked across the river, I could feel the water all around me. I wasn't swimming, it wasn't floating, I was walking on the riverbed. And even as the water started getting deeper and deeper, over my head, I just looked straight ahead and kept walking. And when I reached the other side there was a path and I heard the voice say, “keep moving forward.”

The path was narrow but there was beautiful scenery all around me and I wasn't afraid even though I had no idea where the path would lead. And then the path just ended. And at the end of the path was a giant marble staircase, trimmed in gold. The stairs seemed to go on forever, but at the top was the brightest light I've ever seen. And as I got to the top of the staircase, I could see a large golden chair next to the light. I knew the light was God! And as He motioned for me to sit next to Him, the tears started. Without looking at Him, I did as I was instructed and sat in the chair next to Him. I couldn’t turn my head to look at Him – I was so overwhelmed at the sovereignty of His presence.

And then almost as quickly as it had started, the moment was gone, and I was sitting in the folding chair in an almost deserted conference chapel. Still sobbing uncontrollably, I told our little group what had happened, and I had not spoken of it since then until recently during our staff devotion time. A few weeks ago, during one of our staff meetings, the question was asked “Can you recall a time when you felt the closeness, the presence of God?” I knew instantly! And almost without thought, the words of this story started spilling out of my mouth. And with it came the tears that appear every time I think about it.

I’ve spent many hours wondering – analyzing – that moment with my Creator. Wondering why He blessed me in such a glorious way. Maybe He knew I was wavering – exhausted from giving ALL of myself that day. Maybe He was trying to prove a point – that His holiness and power is always just a breath away. Maybe He knew it would take a “2x4” moment to get my attention – to remind me of His sacrifice so I could walk the streets of gold and be in His presence. Maybe…maybe.

Or maybe it was for this very moment. To have the opportunity to tell others of His holiness, His mercy, His grace. To remind ALL of us that even when we feel over our head in the river of life – with trauma, sickness, pain, loss – we just need to keep moving forward. And that no matter how much chaos this world throws at us, we need to stay on the narrow path that leads to HIM!

Matthew 7:13-14

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.