Recalculating...

Last week is a blur! I feel like I lived in my car! I'm not complaining, I love my new job, but I'm mentally exhausted. Part of that might be because I'm just not used to being on the go so much, but I also think my brain is just tired.

I will confess, I did not start my week out on the right step. Tuesday morning I was supposed to be at the Christian radio station at 7am. The director of our organization and I were to do an hour show with the radio host and let folks know who we are and what we do. Sounds simple enough. The station is an hour away and I was ready and excited when I left the house.

I had never been to that radio station before. So, I put the address in my GPS helper on my phone and headed out the door. Like most people, I trusted my phone to get me there in a timely manner. But as the 7am hour drew near, something didn't seem right. I even pulled over and sent a text to the radio host clarifying the address. She assured me that the address I had was correct, so I continued a while longer, following the GPS directions, but very aware of that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

When that still small voice finally won the argument in my head, I pulled over once again. I compared the address on my phone to what I had on paper and found one little word I had neglected to type in... county. I had entered Road 66 instead of COUNTY Road 66. My first thought was - SERIOUSLY, I'm out in the middle of nowhere because I missed one little word! Actually, three little letters... Cty.

I corrected my "mistake" and knew immediately that I was going to be late. Not just a little late, but LATE. And no sooner had I come to terms with being late, when I heard our director's voice on the radio. That terrible feeling in my gut instantly got overwhelming. Great... not only am I going to be late, but I'm going to be 30 minutes late for an event I was supposed to be at with my NEW boss! Not cool, Angie, just not cool!

Everything turned out fine, but I was not happy with myself. Why did I go so far before listening to that still small voice? It wasn't even just that still small voice yelling at me, my whole body had been trying to tell me something! Why didn't I stop and recalculate the moment my gut told me something was wrong?

I trust my phone more than I trusted that yucky feeling! OUCH!

I am reminded of the words in the gospel of John. After Jesus was crucified and buried, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb. When she discovered Jesus wasn't there, she stood there weeping, thinking someone had stolen His body. First, two angels appeared and asked her why she was crying. Then, she heard another voice ask, "Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" At first glance, Mary thought it was the gardener until He spoke again, "Mary." It was then that she knew it was Jesus. She recognized His voice. (John 20:11-18)

And in John 21, after the resurrection of Christ, after Jesus appeared to Mary, seven of the disciples were fishing and saw someone standing on the shore. No one knew who it was until He spoke. "Children, do you have any fish?" Peter recognized the voice and knew it was Jesus.

They did not recognize Jesus, but they knew His voice. Do you know His voice?

Do I know His voice? When the world is screaming at us and we are surrounded by chaos, do I recognize His voice? Have I spent enough quality time with Jesus to even know His voice? Is my relationship with Jesus strong enough to hear HIS voice amongst all the others or is it lost in the crowd? Or am I so reliant on getting my "Jesus time" through others that I've forgotten what His voice sounds like?

Those are tough questions, especially in this world of busyness that we live in. Sometimes it's hard to see Jesus in this world. There's so much other "stuff" to distract us. Sometimes I feel like I can kind of see Him in and among the shadows on the shore, but I'm not really comfortable declaring that it's Him. It is in those times that I need to recognize His voice. To shut out the noise and fuss of this world and LISTEN... listen for that still small voice.

It's not easy! And the only way to get good at it is to spend time with Him. To spend one on one time with the God of Heaven and Earth. The God who loves me even when I'm not very lovable. Even when I choose to take directions from the world instead of letting His voice guide me down the narrow path. I'm so thankful that He sees me and hears my every word, even though I can't always say the same. His love stays faithful and true and His GPS always knows exactly where I am. And I would be forever lost without Him.

Psalm 139: 1-6

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.