One size fits all?

Anyone that's read this blog on a regular basis knows I sometimes struggle with where I fit in this world. I know God has a plan for me, but the perfectionist in me has a hard time letting someone else be in charge of all the details.

I'm starting to grasp - more like see the writing on the wall - the notion that God might use me someday in ways that I always thought were just wishful thinking. You know... "maybe someday" ideas. But now those wishful thoughts are burning-heart thoughts. Some I can't imagine NOT doing.

I've given my testimony, or parts of it, to a handful of people, and I've shared bits and pieces of my life with you and women I've helped along the way. But it occurred to me last weekend that I've never really given my full testimony, or never been asked to share it, and that still small voice inside me said I should be prepared.

Not knowing how or where to begin, the perfectionist in me went online and looked up "how to write your testimony." YES... I did that! Seems really stupid now, but at the time I was just grasping for a way to start and not sound totally clueless.

My Google search revealed a number of resources. I had no idea so many people were as oblivious as I was about such subjects! But even though I had numerous resources to pick from, it didn't take long to discover that none of them were going to be very helpful. Most of them listed a format or outline to follow - a "before, during, and after Jesus" question to answer to put things into perspective. And the more I read them and pondered over them, the more confused I got. They weren't helping at all, they did just the opposite!

What was my life like before I trusted Christ?

When was the moment I surrendered to Him?

What are some changes in my life since I began walking with Him?

I tried to work through a couple of them, but I couldn't do it, I just got frustrated. What I realized is there is no format or outline to follow for ANYTHING in our relationship with Christ. Not even in telling our testimony. Everyone's journey is different. Everyone's story is different - so different, that to limit it with a format, is restraining God to religion rather than relationship. And part of me wants to say that if your "story" fits nice and tidy into a format, then maybe you should re-examine your relationship with Christ.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm the only one that NOTHING about my life fits neat and tidy into ANYTHING!

My journey with Christ has been everything BUT formatted or outlined. It has been a constant learning process of give and take, forgiveness and grace. And even though I know my faith in Him is much stronger today than it was yesterday, I also know there will be times of struggles and trials to come that will stretch my faith again. And once again, I will have to be reminded of the grace and goodness that only He can bring. And I can sit here and say I trust in Him, but no matter how many times I say it, it doesn't change the fact that when times get tough, I will still try to tackle the enemy on my own first and THEN turn to Christ. It never fails. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but eventually I will realize my mistake.

And I can describe to you the day I surrendered my life to Him. But I have cried out in surrender and laid my burdens at His feet over and over and over again. Countless times. I have to remind myself daily that He is much more equipped to carry that load than I am. He wants my burdens and my cares! And over the years I have learned to surrender many things. We take on so many things that really aren't ours to bear. Worries, expectations, obligations, responsibilities, even other people's happiness. We take on so much that isn't ours to carry that we don't leave any room for Him... the One that can bear the weight that we're trying to carry alone.

And of course, my life is different now than it was before Christ, but it's also different now than it was 10 years ago or 5 years ago. As long as we have a relationship with Him, our lives should be constantly changing, constantly growing. Just like I'm feeling growing pains now.

It is that relationship with Jesus that gives me the freedom to trust Him, to talk to Him, to return to Him over and over again, without boundaries - when life isn't perfect. When I mess up, when I feel like a total failure... when I need a friend. He is the Creator of Heaven and Earth, my Comforter, my Guide, my Light of the World, my Counselor, my Redeemer, and my Savior. He is limitless.

I never want to put restrictions on God. Even saying that sounds silly. How can you limit the Creator of Heaven and Earth? But we see it every day. Religion restrains Him to a program as you walk in the chapel door and prayers typed out for you so you can follow along as you've been instructed. But your relationship with Christ walks with you every day. It fills you with joy as you praise Him in the morning as you get ready for work. It gives you the strength to lift your hands when you're praying for your family. It whispers in that still small voice as you're drifting off to sleep.

He is there. Jesus is always there, beside you. And it is in that relationship that the people around you will SEE your testimony in your life, even if you never get the chance to speak the words.

1 Thessalonians 1:8 MSG

The word has gotten around. Your lives are echoing the Master's Word, not only in the provinces but all over the place. The news of your faith in God is out. We don't even have to say anything anymore - you're the message!