"Looks great. Little full, lotta sap."

I've been reminded several times this week about the chaos of Christmas. It started when I watched National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. (I love Christmas movies! And if I'm not careful, I won't have time to watch all my favorites before the season is over.) And since I've watched it, I've come across a handful of people who have experienced similar family events! Some things you simply cannot make up! Real life is much more bizarre than anything someone can see on the big screen. Didn't someone once say "Life's a tragedy"? They obviously hadn't watched the same movie as me.

Christmas has evolved for me, much like my faith. Kind of like a toddler eating Spaghetti-O's... eventually you see a result, but it is a MESSY process. It's always been very important to me, but my focus has changed over the years. There was a time when I dreaded Christmas. My girls were little and we lived in northern Minnesota and we would travel to my parent's for Christmas. I never said anything to anyone, but that 6 hour car ride was torture. I would start rehearsing the arguments my mother and I were sure to have. I would tell myself that I wasn't going to react in anger or let her suck me into a conversation that would turn ugly. I would start coming up with neutral topics that we could talk about to try to keep our weekend calm and uneventful. I spent 6 hours planning and preparing and then I'd be lucky if I lasted two hours before the words were flying and I'm separating myself thinking that all that preparation was for NOTHING.

I'm not blaming her, I'm the one that reacted poorly. I can only change me, no one else, and I failed. And even as I write this, I'm thinking how important Christmas was to me back then. The girls were little and Christmas was so enchanting. We always had snow and it was beautiful on the lake. My oldest daughter had parts in the church Christmas plays and they loved everything about Christmas and I loved teaching them everything about Christmas. My littles kept me balanced and sane.

After Mom passed away, life kind of went on autopilot for awhile. Our young, little family started new traditions and I tried to keep Christ the focus of Christmas. But something happened along the way. Somewhere I lost my focus. My teenagers woke up one Christmas vacation day to a crazed mom who was so worried about the traditions and tangible things that she forgot what Christmas was all about. I was so busy making hundreds of Christmas cookies and boxes of candy and decorating the house and making sure we had gifts for everyone on the list, that I didn't even realize I was missing why I started doing it in the first place.

Remember in the beginning of the movie when Clark says something like "I just want this Christmas to be perfect for everyone." And by the end he's chugging eggnog and yelling at anyone who comes close to him, because NOTHING has gone right? I totally feel his pain! He started out with good intentions, but he got lost in doing all the STUFF on his list.

I had started making extra cookies for an elderly neighbor, but it turned into making cookies for dozens of people. I started decorating the house with items that had been passed down from generation to generation, but it turned into buying new things every year. I'm guessing you see the pattern here. I had turned good deeds into selfish deeds... into worldly deeds.

And now, as my children get older and are starting families of their own, all I can think about is, I would take it all back - every minute spent in the kitchen, every dollar spent on gifts, ALL OF IT - to spend more time with them. Love cannot be measured in cookies or candy or gifts, it can only be felt in time. Time spent together is the most valuable gift you can ever give to your children. Hold it tight. Cherish it. Give it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.