It's just a scar.

Last night at our weekly Bible study, we were discussing bullies and how we learn to forgive someone who has hurt us. I heard myself say, "Hurt people, hurt people" and the rest of the evening all I could think about was what I should write today.

Our lives are filled with bullies. You don't have to be a victim of domestic or sexual violence to carry the hurt someone else has inflicted on you. I'm not sure anyone gets through life without being battered and bruised emotionally.

A counselor once told me that I would never learn to move forward if I didn't forgive my rapist. As well intention-ed as she may have been, her words fell on deaf ears. I was reeling in trauma, I had recently tried to commit suicide, and now this so called "Christian" counselor was telling me to forgive someone... I think not. I was relatively new in my Christian beliefs, but God and I talked daily. I had developed a personal relationship with the One that had gotten me this far, I figured He could do the rest. I never saw another counselor, I guess my 3 sessions will have to count... or not.

Looking back, it might have been easier if I had gotten proper counseling. I'm not sure I would have approved of anyone. My trust was limited. As my faith grew, my circle of those I trusted grew. And then came my babies. I had never known such love. God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me children. To love another so unconditionally, so selflessly, is the perfect example of God's love. It puts so many things in perspective in a way words cannot begin describe. It makes scripture come alive. It connects dots that were never on the page before. It is the love of the Father in hugs and kisses.

I cannot tell you the time or the date, but I do know that at some point, there was no more hate, no more fear. I remember horseback riding along a wooded path in northern Minnesota, something I did when life got to be too much, having a conversation with Jesus, and thanking Him that I was able to forgive. It's not my responsibility to judge, it's His. What punishment is due, will come from above, not from me. I don't have to carry that burden, because Jesus carries it for me - just as He carried the cross that He hung on.

Will I ever forget what happened to me? No. But no one forgets the hurts inflicted upon them. We all live with hurts. We accumulate them like the scars we accumulate throughout our lives. We remember how we got them, but the scars do not deter us from moving forward. I will continue to move forward - to look ahead, to look above to the One who got me here. He is my guide and my compass.