Invisible chains

It's the beginning of a new year. I'm not one of those people that makes a big New Year's resolution. Maybe when I was younger, but I've learned the hard way how capable I am of keeping a big commitment for an entire year. There's lots of things I SHOULD do, but I should have been doing them long before now, so no resolution is going to fix that problem. I did start a devotional, starting January 1st, and that's a new thing for me. Not that I'm against them - it's just that I have a hard enough time committing time every day to read scripture and pray, and to me, that takes priority.

Sunday, January 1st, I did my first devotional reading and it was based on Proverbs 19:21. Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

God is so good! And I love it when He makes things so obvious that I don't have to wonder if He's trying to tell me something! Earlier that morning, on my way to church, God and I had a heart to heart. I had thanked Him for the wonderful year I had in 2022 and how I could look back and see His hands in almost everything that happened to me and all the things I had prayed for. I had thanked Him for answering prayers in ways I could see, even if it wasn't the way I thought He would answer them - because He knows what is best for me and He knows my future and the plans He has for me.

As I look back at the past year and recall, not only my prayers, but the events that truly affected my heart, I can see His hands in everything. Some things I prayed for, some things He simply blessed me with. He showed me charity and generosity when I was at my weakest. He showed me discernment when I feared doubt. He let me witness miracles before me very eyes. And He has used me in ways I never believed possible. My faith has increased in a way that I have no words for - I only know my life is not the same as it was 12 months ago. God has opened my eyes and my heart to a world that is both overwhelming and powerful. And I am reminded every day that if I put God above all else, all other things will fall into place. He opened my eyes and made me look past my selfishness long enough to see HIM. And in that trust, comes freedom.

But He keeps whispering in my ear, "How free do you want to be?"

Freedom is a wonderful thing... right? Ask anyone who's not! Ask the domestic violence victim who hasn't been allowed out of the house in10 years. Ask the child who locks himself in his room night after night while his parents fight and throw furniture at each other. Ask the prisoner on death row. Freedom is a no-brainer, right?

It seems like such a silly question, but it's a very difficult one. Chains come in all forms, some visible, some not. I found freedom in this blog - in the words I write. It released the secrets the enemy used for years to keep me trapped in guilt and shame. And what I'm starting to understand is that with every part of my life that I turn over to Him, He opens my eyes to more of HIM. In other words, the more I trust Him, the freer I am - which, in turn, just makes me trust Him more and the cycle continues.

That all sounds great, but it's not all that simple. How free do I want to be? Free enough to not care what anyone else thinks? To make God my standard, not the world... not even the church? To know some friends and family will avoid certain conversations with me because of what I believe? Free enough to act when that still small voice urges me to reach out to someone or say something no matter where I'm at or who I'm with? Free enough to put my pride and selfishness aside and see people like Jesus sees them. Free enough to surrender my selfishness so that He can work in my life?

So, how free do I want to be?

Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Slavery is a pretty strong word and He’s just put FREEDOM and SLAVERY in the same thought. So… He’s got my attention! And it makes me a little nervous because I thought I was free, but that still small voice keeps asking me how free do I want to be, which now makes me think MAYBE I’m carrying some of that yoke of slavery?

I had to take a step back and take a hard look in the mirror. Am I sincere in my walk with Christ? Am I the real deal? Am I walking in truth? Have I really set aside my selfishness and my pride or is it just done on my terms and when it is convenient for me?

Those are hard questions, and I couldn’t answer them all, at least not confidently. But I do know this… I serve the God of POSSIBLE, and I know He gave His life for me, that’s a love beyond measure. It is a gift – a gift of grace and mercy and forgiveness that all I had to do was accept to be made part of His family. Do I stumble on my walk with Him? Yep. Every day. And every day He reaches down and picks me up again and reassures me He’s still there. How do I know? I spend a lot of time with Him. Some days more than others, but He knows my heart better than anyone else. And that selfishness and pride… well I think that’s where that freedom thing comes in to play.

Christ died on the cross to set us free. I think that means He wants me to be walking free in everything He has for me. Everything! He’s asking me to COMPLETELY turn over my life to Him. Not just the easy stuff, not just when it's convenient, but ALL of it, EVERY day. No preconceived ideas of what my “ministry” should be. No overthinking about my future. Just a blank slate for Him to create the perfect plan for me.

So, with the most genuine of words, I pray, “Here am I, Lord. Send me.”

Proverbs 3:5 ESV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.