In the beginning...

This blog is a personal project. In a way I guess you could call it a diary, maybe even a journal. I’ve never been very good at keeping either one. But lately God has been tugging at my heart to think outside the box, to not only work through what I’ve had locked away all these years, but also be transparent. And what better way than this. My hope is that I will learn something along the way as I share these words. I live in rural Kansas. I am the divorced mom of 4 grown up adult children. And I am proud to say I am 55 years old. I earned every one of these grey hairs, but I didn't do it alone... I'm not capable of doing it alone. I'm not sure anyone is. The last 55 years have been filled with good days and bad days and everything in between, and I wouldn't change any of it. I'm afraid if I had the chance to change it, I would mess it up even worse than I did the first time around. At least this way, I know how it ends - I know someday I'll meet Jesus face to face. But God had to teach me lessons the hard way, I guess I'm a slow learner. I think my dad would've just said I'm stubborn. He might be right. But the point of this blog is to share some of the lessons I've learned along the way. I guess I'm hoping I'm not the only slow learner in the world...

We all have a past, we’ve all made mistakes. And as odd as it may sound, I think that is God‘s plan. How are we to ever appreciate the goodness and mercy and glory of God if we never have anything to compare it to. If there was only good in this world, would we ever really turn to God and rely on him for anything? My life has not been easy, it’s taken many bad turns and I’ve made many poor decisions. I’d like to be able to say that all the bad came at the hands of someone else, but that would not be true. I stand accountable for the poor decisions I’ve made. But I also know that I would not change any of it. I’m not one of those people that would say “I wish I could go back and do it all over again”… because I don’t. I’m afraid if I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. The mistakes of my past have turned me into the believer I am today. I didn’t know it at the time, but a victim of domestic and sexual violence someday becomes an advocate for those affected by violence, and a struggling, single mom someday teaches strength and independence, and a lost and lonely soul can one day have Jesus save her from a life of drugs and destruction.

No one knows the plan God has for them. But I know God can take any life and turn it into His plan. We live a life of free will, free to make our own choices, free to make our own decisions, our own mistakes. But God is there, always there right next to us. All we have to do is reach out and let Him take our hand.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11