Hi Dad, it's me.

I can’t believe my dad‘s been gone five years. Today is the anniversary of his passing. I think of him all the time. I can honestly say, I would not be where I am today without him. He is the reason I had the courage to leave that abusive relationship in the first place.

There’s plenty of negative things I could say about my dad, he drank just as much as Mom did, but Dad was my safety zone. He sat at the kitchen table every night until all of us kids were home. And if I was out with friends or out on a date, I always knew he’d be there waiting for me. And somehow it didn’t matter if he was sitting in that chair sound asleep or not, just knowing he was there made me feel better.

For as long as I can remember, he’s the only one that ever told me that I was capable of doing anything. He would tell me to stand up for what I believe in... that the things worth having are worth fighting for. He gave me strength. He made me feel like I was worth something. And there were plenty of times it felt like his words were a life preserver in an ocean of chaos.

When I was in high school, a new superintendent came in with lots of "new ideas" for our little school, new ideas that neither the students nor the staff really wanted, but no one would listen to us. I remember going home and telling my dad how frustrated we were that no one was listening and we felt like we had no voice. The first thing he said was “So, what are you going to do about it? Instead of complaining, do something.” Long story short, I and one of my friends organized a “protest.” We ended up with a three day suspension, but we made our point, we were heard. (We also made the local newspaper.)

That was my dad... a "take action" kind of guy. Stand up for what you believe in. And it was my father‘s voice in my head that gave me the courage to walk away from a relationship that I knew I shouldn’t be in. The nights when I would lay in bed and cry because I did not know how I got myself into such a big mess, I could hear my father‘s voice say “you can do anything, but you have to fight for it.”

And what he’ll never know is he was also my mentor. I watched him struggle after a stroke. I watched him go through detox from all the years of alcohol and all the years of smoking. And in a few short days he went from the father I grew up with, to the dad he always wanted to be. He became the grandpa and great grandpa everyone now remembers.

That stroke transformed my dad the same way the rape transformed me. It put him through hell, but he got through it and he kept proving people wrong. Doctors and nurses kept offering him ways to make it easier and he turned them all down, he made a full recovery from the stroke by going cold turkey on the alcohol and the nicotine. It was hard, but he did it.

Something in me changed after Dad’s stroke. As I watched him fight and recover, it gave me strength, it made me want to fight and be better. Dad and I were fighting together and he didn’t even know it. All those years he was telling me that I was capable of doing anything, he was proving to me it was possible before my eyes. His strength gave me strength. As he found comfort in his new truth, I found comfort in mine.

Dad made a full recovery from the stroke. And for years we talked on the phone almost every week. He was my support system through a divorce, while I was a single mom, when I decided to go back to college, when I got married again and as I raised my kids. Dad was my "go to" person, my life raft in the storm. And when cancer and COPD became his storm, I knew I had to be his life raft. I didn't do it alone, I have an amazing sister who was with me through it all. And when he passed, we were lucky enough to be beside him for his last moments.

I cannot even express how much I miss him. Even after 5 years, I still sometimes think about that weekly phone call. God blessed me with the perfect example of strength and humility. God proved to me that you don't have to be perfect to be a good example... He can use anyone if you let Him. Dad's life changed my life. I can only pray that I pay it forward.

Proverbs 22:6 ESV Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.