Footprints in the sand

A few days ago, a friend and I were talking about the complications of dating and the differences between dating when you're young and dating when you're my age. During this conversation, I made the comment that I'm more confident now about my boundaries - that I know where to "draw my line in the sand."

The next evening I was home watching a movie and saw someone write a message in the sand and instantly, the waves washed it away. In the blink of an eye, the message was carried into the ocean like it never existed. And in that same instant, I thought of our conversation.

Why would I ever draw my line in the sand? Why would I ever make my boundaries so temporary, at the mercy of something as powerful as the ocean?

My first reaction was to rebound in the opposite direction. I should draw my line in stone - as clear cut as the Ten Commandments written on the stone tablets handed to Moses. There is no grey area in stone rules. Everything is black and white. You either follow the rules or you don't. Good and bad, nothing in between. The Old Testament is full of stone rules. God had expectations. Some respected the rules and met those expectations and some... not so much. Those that didn't, came face to face with the wrath of God.

But I kept feeling this tugging at my heart - the mercy of something as powerful as the ocean. The mercy of something as powerful as the ocean. I think that's God. And I WANT God to be in control. Maybe I needed to think about this from a new perspective.

Maybe I don't want my boundaries drawn in stone, maybe they should be drawn in the sand. If God is the ocean and my boundaries are drawn in the sand, then He has full control... He can touch my heart, wipe away the line, and have me redraw it when and where He sees fit. Maybe that's the way it should be?

I sat in that thought for a day or so. Maybe it was my flesh being stubborn or maybe it was just plain fear, either way, I was having a hard time grasping that concept.

I already knew I was wrong about drawing my lines in stone. Something deep within me threw out that idea almost as quickly as I wrote the words. But surrendering my boundaries to the ocean? That thought was proving to be a struggle for me. Personal boundaries in a relationship are held close and with a tight grip for someone in my position. Not only have I never had a successful romantic relationship, but they've never been built on a foundation. I started every relationship with a broken heart. It was like building a house on a mud slide! But the Lord as done some wonderful things over the last couple years and my foundation is there. I feel capable of setting boundaries and standing on my own, and standing for the Lord. I know who I am and who's I am.

But letting someone within my boundaries or letting God decide for me? Am I ready for that? Am I even capable of that?

Truth... I have no idea. But I do know that if or when the time comes, God will be much better at it than I ever was. Maybe that's the whole point. To let Him be in control ALL the time. If I keep making decisions out of fear, writing them in stone, His plans will never come to fruition. Because I've set all the rules, I've made a check list. There's no room for His voice. That plan is all about what I want. But if I write them in sand, He can wash them away as easily as a wave. It can be rewritten over and over and over again, according to His will. His plan can fall into place, but I need to LISTEN.

Have you ever sat on the shore of the ocean and just listened? Close your eyes and listen. It's the most peaceful sound you'll ever hear. It's as though the ocean is speaking peace over you. It floods over you, and if you let it, it will change you - at least for a moment. The trick... YOU have to go to the OCEAN! YOU have to LISTEN!

I don't know how many times I've caught myself saying, "I feel like God isn't speaking to me anymore" or "I just don't feel God leading me right now." REALLY? Was I spending any time with Him? Did I go to the ocean? Was I listening? Or was I sitting in front of Netflix thinking "I wonder why I can't hear the ocean?" Duh!

For now, I will draw my boundaries in the sand. And if God decides I should go a different direction, I pray I am sitting on the shore listening for His voice, ready to follow whatever path He has for me.

Psalm 77:19 NIV

Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.