Focus on me

I love photographs. If you walked through my apartment, you would see my walls are filled with an assortment of pictures. Pictures of my children when they were young and recent photos with their partners. Pictures of my grandchildren. Pictures of my siblings and my parents. I have pictures of my parents as teenagers and on their wedding day.

Photos tell a story and each one is unique. That sense of uniqueness comes from both the photographer and her subject. No one knows what each one is thinking or feeling at that exact moment the photo is taken. And as we look at each one, we're left to wonder "why" or make our own interpretation.

Even if no people are in the picture, we're left wondering. Did the landscape photographer want us to see the majesty of the mountain or the beauty of the blue sky looming over it? Are we supposed to focus on the powerful jaws and teeth of the tiger, or the beautiful green in his eyes and the perfect pattern of stripes that surround them?

I appreciate photos, old and new, and I also enjoy being the photographer. It's been a hobby of mine for several years. I have a digital camera that I've "played" with for several years. Although now, technology has made the cameras in cellphones comparable to some digital cameras, making photography easier for everyone. Including myself. It's much easier to take a picture with my cellphone, which is with me all the time, than to carry around my camera bag everywhere I go.

I recently received a call from my cellphone provider "reminding" me that I could upgrade my phone. I don't need a new phone, but out of curiosity I decided to investigate my options. What struck me most were the camera choices! Cellphone technology has definitely caught up to the graphic design world! I could have a phone with almost any filter and adjustment option I'd need without ever downloading a picture into my expensive graphic design software. Filters to make our skin look warm and inviting. Filters to brighten up a cloudy day. Filters to fade out a background or highlight a subject. Adjustments. That's what I do... filter and adjust.

Maybe we all do that?

I think we all see LIFE through a filter - actually more than one. I see life as Angie the survivor, or Angie the advocate. Sometimes I see life as Angie the mom, or Angie the grandma, and other times Angie the friend, or Angie the employee. Each identity tag comes with a different filter and a set of memories. It changes how I see the world.

Those filters change how I see others, but they also change how I see myself. Looking through my survivor filter, I see a much different person in the mirror than I do when I'm looking through my grandma filter.

And there are filters that rarely get used or dug out of the "camera bag." They are never deleted from my memory, but tucked away - Angie the ex-wife, and Angie the victim, and Angie the forgotten daughter.

And the best part... God sees me through NO filter. He doesn't see Angie the survivor, or Angie the victim. He doesn't see Angie the mom, or Angie the friend. He just sees ANGIE. No filter, no identity tag, just me. He doesn't care how the world sees me. He doesn't care how I see myself. He just sees ME and "just" me was worth saving.

It's difficult to understand that sometimes. It's difficult to comprehend how nonjudgmental God is to my circumstances. How He can look at me and not see my failures and my flaws, my disobedience and sin. How He loves me so much, He traded His life for my sins. How He can look upon me and see nothing from my past and only see Angie, daughter of the King.

We try to see God's love through our human version of love - that filter life has equipped us with. But it doesn't work with God. His love is so much more than anything we've ever experienced on earth. The only way we can remove the filter is through the Holy Spirit. And that takes submission. It takes faith. We have to want it enough to ask for it BEFORE we feel it, BEFORE we see it in action... BEFORE we understand it. If we take that step of faith and ask Jesus to be in control of our lives, we will find a pure love that is solely focused on US.

Psalm 103; 10 -12 NIV

He does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is His love for those who fear Him;

as far as the east is from the west,

so far has He removed our transgressions from us.