Fear not

It's been a while. I feel like I've been gone - disconnected - from you, for a long time. I promise I didn't go anywhere. In fact, it was just the opposite. I was right here all the time, just wishing I had the strength to talk to you.

I've never thought of myself as a sickly person. Actually, I've always thought of myself as quite the opposite - more of a fighter. I don't really get sick and I've never thought of my migraines as being sick - but more like an "illness" or long term annoyance. But over the last 3 months, I have been sick! In November I got a nasty stomach flu that lasted 5 days. In December I got bronchitis and the metapneumovirus - which I was still kind of weak from in January when I got Covid. And I had nothing left to fight with! Pneumonia. I was down for two weeks and I'm still recovering, in more ways than I ever thought possible.

It's a harsh reality when you realize you are not invincible, that your physical body has limitations that you knew were possible but never really thought would happen to you. You look at life from a whole different perspective when you know you have little choice but to accept the fact that you are human. And when what you thought you believed about your future gets put to the test, you have to decide if you still truly believe that.

For example, I've always said, "I'm not afraid of dying. I know where I'm going." Does that still hold true after knowing the fragility of life? Yes. YES! More than ever.

Would I rather have the opportunity to say goodbye to those I love before I go? Of course. But rarely does anyone get the chance. And my hope would be that I lived my life in such a way that they would know that I love them... no matter when I go. Isn't that the whole point of walking with Christ? To walk the walk. To fulfill the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

If I truly love those I say I love and I'm acting as God has called me to do, there should be no question - no fear - in where my future lies or when I get there. Love is the key.

1 Corinthians 13;1-13 says, If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Please don't misunderstand, I don't plan on leaving this world anytime soon. But do any of us really know His plan? None of us know the time or day, so we move forward. I move forward with a new perspective. I am not invincible. And for the first time, I really did have to stop and think about a time when my children and grandchildren won't have me here. It doesn't change how much I love them - it can't - my love for them will always be limitless. But it will make every hug a little warmer, engrave every "I love you" a little deeper on my heart, and make every family gathering a little more special. And I will say "I love you" with new meaning.

Matthew 22:37-39 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.