Farm boy, fetch me that pitcher.

That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

Some of you may recognize those words from the movie 'The Princess Bride.' It has always been a favorite in our home. My girls love it, even as adults, and I've lost track of how many times I've watched it. It's the classic love story with enough twists and turns and comedy to keep any viewer engaged. I truly adore it!

As women, we like the fairy-tale love story. The knight in shining armor riding up on his beautiful white horse, sweeping us off our feet, only to ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after. It sells movies, it sells books, we plan weddings and parties around the dream.

Relationships have always been so hard for me. I had a steady boyfriend my junior and senior year in high school, but his mother hated me and wasn't shy about it. I knew I was never going to be good enough to be part of their family. Even then, I felt like I was split in half. I was supposed to pretend like my parents weren't drinking, I was supposed to pretend like my boyfriend's mom didn't hate me, I was supposed to pretend like life was normal. NOT!

And a couple of years later I was with a man that blamed me for losing a baby we BOTH wanted, for a miscarriage that happened in OUR home. A miscarriage that happened under stressed circumstances at best. A man that took his frustrations out on me by throwing me around the kitchen by my hair and tossing me down the stairs like the garbage that was coming out of his mouth.

Needless to say, my thought of ever having a fairy-tale love story was over very early in my life. I knew how the real stories ended.

But if you can't find the knight in shining armor, you can create one...right?

I didn't know it at the time, but as I look back, that's exactly what I did. Relationships I had after that point were all the same. I handed men everything they needed for knighthood - the horse, the armor, the sword - and said, "Here, I need a knight. Rescue me." I turned them into something they were not. I chose to see a knight. I chose to see a man covered in shining armor, riding that beautiful white horse, sword in hand, ready to rescue me. Most of them eagerly accepted. I didn't even warn them. I let these untrained men go into battle against an enemy they were completely unprepared for... the demons of my past. Some were strong and fought hard. Some could not fight my demons and theirs, and were defeated in the darkness.

And more than once, I heard myself say, "I just want someone to care enough to fight for me." Never grasping the concept that someone already did care enough to fight for me... to die for me.

I don't need rescued. Jesus rescued me a long time ago. Sometimes I feel like the gravity of the cross is still bigger than my head and my heart can hold. But I do know that there is no one on this earth that can replace Him. He is sufficient for me. It would be wonderful to have someone to share this journey with. To pray with, to laugh with, to cry with. But I think it is best to let the Lord hand him his armor and sword instead of me.

Psalm 18:39 ESV For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me.