City slicker

The summer after I graduated high school, I spent 2 weeks with my aunt in Chicago. It was amazing! This Iowa farm girl soaked in city life like black dirt on a hot summer day. She worked for Time magazine and lived in an apartment near Lincoln Park. While she worked, I would walk to the park and watch the sail boats go in and out of the harbor and just sit and watch the people. It was a wonderful experience for me - one I'll never forget.

One day before I had to return home, she asked if I wanted to meet her at her office building downtown for lunch so I could meet her coworkers. I was so excited! The plan was for me to take the bus. It sounded simple enough. She took the bus to work everyday. That morning, from her apartment window, she pointed to the corner where the bus stopped and instructed me when to get on the bus and where to get off the bus. I was already familiar with the corner. It was visible from her second story window and I walked past it frequently. She left for work and I started to get ready for my big day.

When the time came, I walked to the corner, got on the bus and waited for my stop.

And I waited and waited and waited and waited. One by one, passengers got off the bus until I was the only one left on the bus. I tried not to look as terrified as I was, but I knew something had not gone according to our plan. Finally the bus came to a stop and the driver said, "Young lady, where were you supposed to be going?" After I told him, he explained to me that I had gotten on the wrong bus. To which I emphatically proclaimed that I got on the bus on the corner I was instructed to get on! And this sweet man gently explained that I should have gotten on the bus on the opposite side of the street.

No one told me that. No one ever mentioned that it made a difference which side of the street it made. To this farm girl, a corner is a corner.

He was kind enough to put me on a bus that would get me to my destination. I was horribly late, but got there safely. I had scared my aunt to death, but after I explained what happened, it was a lesson learned for both of us. Just because I had been confident and seemed to be handling myself in the city sufficiently, didn't mean I knew EVERYTHING. I was still a farm girl in the city.

Isn't it ironic that my walk with Christ is so similar.

I thought I had life all figured out. I thought I could do it all by myself, with little instruction. But left to my own decisions and my own judgments, I made a mess of things. I made decisions based on what little I knew, instead of asking for instructions - from the Creator - even after I asked Him to be in control.

There were countless times after I asked God to be in control and help me deal with my past when I was NOT okay. The demons of my past haunted me! It felt so lonely. I did not know where to go. So I would pray and then go about my life pretending everything was okay. Until one day the pretending felt so real that I thought I really was okay... like I belonged in the city.

What I failed to realize was, I was not equipped for the city. And pretending I was, didn't make it any more true than saying it. I needed instruction - real instruction. I needed Him to fill me with instruction in every way. But first, I had to ask. I felt like the young girl who sat on that bed so many years ago pleading with a God she barely knew. Saying, "I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do. Please help me." But as I surrendered myself to Him, I heard myself saying things - praying words I had never said before. I gave Him burdens that had weighed me down for years. I gave Him regrets, revenge, sorrows, judgments, sins, grudges, and finally my past. I physically felt different as the words left my mouth.

It was like a light bulb went off in my head. Once you give Him all the burdens, you instantly have room for Him to fill you with more of HIM! It's so simple, yet I carried all that for years thinking I was doing just fine... with Him.

This world is temporary. This world is not my home. But in Christ, the time I have here can be spent knowing I really am okay. For the load I carry is light and the smile I share is genuine.

John 16:33 NIV

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”