Can you hear me now?

I love Christmas! It's not so much the lights and decorations, but the time I get to spend with family and friends. It is the one time each year when everyone sets their troubles aside and enjoys each others company. And I get to cook and bake for the ones I love, which always makes me happy.

This year has been different. Between COVID and family changes, our Christmas looked much different. We didn't get to celebrate with all of the people we love and now I live in a small apartment, so we celebrated at my daughter's home. We loved the time we got to spend together and I am thankful for it. But I must admit, this momma is struggling a bit not having all of her kiddos under one roof for Christmas. I understand everyone's circumstances and I'm not upset with anyone, I just miss them.

My apartment is small, too small for a Christmas tree. In fact, it's pretty crowded WITHOUT Christmas decorations, so I decided I would decorate my office at work instead. So, I took a box of decorations from home and weaved in a few Christmas decoration amongst the plants and on the bookshelves in my office, and I called it good.

And as I sat at my desk yesterday, struggling to hear God's voice, wondering where He was, I realized maybe I had treated God like I treated my Christmas decorations. Maybe I had been lazy lately and just fit Him in where it was convenient. Maybe I had weaved Him in amongst my Christmas plans and placed Him on the list with everything else that was taking over my life instead of putting Him at the top of the list where He belongs.

I have struggled for the last week or so to hear Him. I feel a distance, a deafening silence that makes me feel lonely. But as I sit here reflecting on the silence, I realize I'm the one in control of the volume. I'm the one that changed the routine. I'm the one that stopped spending quality time with Him. I stopped putting Him first.

My walk with Jesus is constantly evolving. I'm always learning, always growing. And like the wonderful Teacher that He is, He is always patient and always kind. It is such a comfort to know that on my darkest day or at my weakest moment, I can go to Him with an open heart and lay my burdens at His feet, and He never holds a grudge, never bares judgement. He is always there. Always forgiving, already forgotten my sins.

It seems somewhat ironic that God had to remind me of His importance in my life during this Christmas season. 'Tis the reason for the season' seems too simplistic right now. Right now, all I really want is to sit in His presence, to hear that still small voice speak to my heart and fill the silent void. That still small voice has been my Healer, my Comforter, my Savior. I have heard it in the throws of chaos and it has guided me through the darkest of storms.

I think this is a good reminder for me to not only put Him first, but to treat others the same way He treats me. To be patient. To be kind. To not hold grudges. To not be judgmental. To be present. And most importantly, to forgive. They are all things I need to work on, and I have the ultimate example, all I have to do is open my eyes. It's in the laughter of my children and the trust of my friends. It's in the snuggles of my grandson and the tears on my keyboard. It's in each and every memory that was once a wound, but is now a scar. Love... His love is always there.

Romans 15:5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.

**I want to take this opportunity to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I know it is only the beginning and I have no idea where He may send us, but I'm so happy I'm not travelling alone. I pray you all have a blessed Christmas with your loved ones. Cherish each and every moment you have with the ones you love.**