Buckle up, Buttercup

When my oldest daughter was very small - actually, barely walking - she kept me on my toes. For starters, she started walking when she was nine months old. She was very independent and always wanted to walk, rather than be carried. People would see us strolling along and seriously STOP me and ask me how old she was. When she was 10 months old, she got sick while we were traveling for Christmas and had to be in the hospital with an IV for 4 days. But after the initial shock of it all, she refused to stay in the hospital crib, except to sleep. So, we would walk the hallways until she was tired enough to nap. My days were spent walking with her IV cart in one hand and her hand in the other. I think every nurse in that hospital came to witness the baby walking the hallways!

Not only did she walk at nine months, but she was also a little monkey! I had a small breakfast table and two chairs in the kitchen. One day I walked into the kitchen to find that she had pushed a chair to the counter, used the drawer handles as a ladder, and was standing on the counter attempting to get into the cupboard. And somehow my 14-month-old did all this in the few minutes I dared to leave her alone.

She also learned to unbuckle her car seat. We lived in the woods of northern Minnesota - we had to drive 40 miles to do almost anything! I would look in the rearview mirror to see her unbuckled and rummaging through the diaper bag for snacks. I would have to pull over, buckle her back in, and hope I could finish the trip without pulling over again. Did she ever get a swat on the butt? Of course, she did. And in all honesty, she hated being in timeout even more. But more than anything, she was just a really smart kid. Her brain was constantly working and thinking of new things. Her world was just one discovery after another.

God probably made my firstborn a go-getter to prepare me for a future with 4 children. Maybe it helped a little. But I think He makes each child different for us to teach us different things. I know, as parents, we're supposed to be teaching them. And we do the best we can. But my children taught me so much more than they ever realize or let themselves believe. Sometimes I don't think we stop long enough to soak up or take notice of everything God is trying to teach us through our kids. **But that's a subject we will tackle another time.

As I think back to those times, it's easy to smile now, but there were moments back then that I got really frustrated. I never knew what to expect from her and I was constantly questioning my parenting skills. It was exhausting, physically and mentally. But as I was thinking about it recently, I realized that's how God must feel about me most days!

I know He doesn't question His parenting skills. He has the privilege of being perfect. But I can't even fathom how mentally exhausting I must me most of the time. I KNOW there have been times in the last year He must have had the same feeling about me that I had about my daughter the day I found her standing on the kitchen counter. That "what do you think you are doing?" and that "do you have any idea what could happen to you right now?" moment.

I've discovered my legs, my independence, my freedom in Christ. And I just want to 'save the world' sometimes. But sometimes that confidence takes the place of self-control and preparation and I get a little ahead of myself. And more than once, He's had to rescue me. But He was there. Like the caring, loving Father that He is, He didn't let me take a nosedive off the kitchen counter. He placed my feet on solid ground and said, "Let's think about this for a moment."

I've also been naive even to think I could unbuckle my seat belt and do this ride alone, but I can't. Over and over again, He's had to stop and show me that this ride isn't safe without the support and love of those who care. He has taught me to let people in, to share my life - whether it be good or bad - with the people I love. THAT is a huge accomplishment for me! I spent most of my life hiding my life from those who love me. But Jesus has taught me to rest in the love and prayers of those around me - to be comfortable in the protection of His love.

While it's true that we are to stretch and grow our faith, I have to remind myself sometimes that just because I CAN stand on the counter, doesn't mean I SHUOLD! That doesn't mean I never will, it just means I need to wait until I'm more prepared. You know... like when my cape is finished!

Galatians 6:9 ESV

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.