And the winner is...

I was always a good student. I never had to work very hard at getting good grades and that worked well for me... and my need to prove myself to the world. But I only got those good grades because I got to choose my path through high school. I conveniently stayed away from the classes I knew would hurt my grade point average. I needed to give myself a "win" and that GPA was my pat on the back.

I was terrible at math. Let's rephrase that - I was terrible at algebra. I could do the basics; everything you need in everyday life. But start throwing equations at me and my mind goes into fight or flight mode. Instinct told me I was never going to get past the panic, and I dropped algebra as soon as I could. Luckily, back then, it wasn't a requirement and whatever fundamental math class was available saved my "winning" GPA.

And I have to admit, I totally cheated my way through college algebra. The only thing I learned from that class is how to find the answers somewhere else. Not that I'm proud of it, but I wasn't going to let one class - a class I had to have - ruin my shot at the dean's list. Once again, I got the "win" and that's what counted... at the moment.

I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I feel like I need a "win" in my prayer life like I need a "win" in life. I just need proof... to know God is listening.

I know that sounds so self-serving, so faithless. But even as I write these words, I think about this very burden as it weighed upon heart countless times and He has answered me over and over again. There are so many verses that address this circumstance that I could not possibly name them all. But unlike my "wins" in life, I have no control over the "wins" in my prayer life.

As I raise concerns of loved ones and circumstances of life up to my Heavenly Father, He and He alone is in control. I do not know the plan or the timing. That doesn't always sit very well for control freaks like myself, but I want to share a hard fought lesson with you.

Several months ago, our pastor had us start a prayer journal. He didn't give much detailed guidance, just to write down our prayers and the prayers of people we have been praying for to keep track of just how many prayers get answered. I HAD NO IDEA! I wish I had started doing this years ago! God answers prayers all the time! In fact, now that I actually SEE it and don't take it for granted, I've started praying more specifically and not so much in general. It's the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed!

AND God is teaching me to be patient... and I'm getting better at it, because I know He is answering prayers. It might not always be in the manner I had in mind - He has totally surprised me with a few of them - but an answer is an answer. I think that's all part of the lesson. I needed to learn to be patient, to give it to Him, and then sit back and let God work it out HIS way, instead of me trying to be in control of everything.

The most amazing parts is watching people's lives change. I'm about to start journal #2.

How selfish have I been all these years by NOT taking these requests to God? I had to take some serious time with that question. Now that I see Him at work as I humble myself to pray, I wonder at what level of arrogance did I think I could do all that by myself? I was trying to do God's work. How sad... He must think that of many of us.

There is so much power in prayer. Personally, I don't think we're meant to do this alone. When we are struggling, we should not be afraid to go to those we trust and say, "Please pray for me." When we are lost or hurting, prayer should be our first thought.

So, let's make this a partnership... a prayer "team." If anyone has a prayer request, please feel free to email me or leave it in the comments (whatever you feel comfortable with) and I will do the same here at the bottom of the blog as the weeks go by. I will share with you now, that I would love your prayer support. New job, new ministry, and migraines are kicking my butt!

Philippians 4:6 NIV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.