Ala Peanut Butter Sandwiches

I just celebrated ANOTHER birthday. I feel like they're getting closer and closer together! But some amazing things have happened over the last year. Things I would never have dreamed of. Things that only God can have the credit for. Not only has my relationship with Him grown deeper and stronger, but He has trusted me in ways that continue to blow my mind. The blog has reached people across the world. I've been able to share my testimony and my story in many ways. I've spoken at events and churches, and those opportunities still keep coming.

And each time I'm asked to speak, I am honored and humbled. And each time I wonder - "God, are you sure you know who you're dealing with? Remember, it's just me. You know, that simple little country girl that eats peanut butter sandwiches for a midnight snack." And somehow, He always finds a way to encourage me and remind me that He is in control.

But why? Why do I need reminding EVERY time? You'd think by now I'd be past needing a refresher course every time He asks me to do something. I'm sure He gets tired of me asking for "confirmation" when I'm not sure of myself. Proof. That's all I'm asking for. Just PROOF that you really want me to do this. I can almost feel the eye roll!

I was reminded of that as I was reading Exodus this week. And I kind of grinned. At least I'm not as bad as the people of Israel that Moses led out of Egypt and into the promised land... or am I? My goodness, they trusted God for NOTHING! They witnessed God parting the Red Sea and it swallowing their enemy, yet three days later they were grumbling about having no clean water. And after God miraculously provided clean water, two and a half months later they were ready to go back to Egypt because they thought God was going to let them starve to death in the wilderness. Even as they witnessed the glory of God in a cloud, they still doubted His words. But God provided manna in the morning and quail in the evening, and the people of Israel survived 40 years only by the miracles of God. Yet time and time again, they demanded PROOF that God was going to lead them to the land He had promised them.

When they were gathered at Mount Sinai, the Lord spoke to the people of Israel from a cloud, but it frightened them and they told Moses that from then on he was supposed to talk to God and deal with God, because the Lord frightened them. They heard the voice of the Lord... how much more proof do you need!? YES, He is going to keep His promise! But then after that, Moses went up the mountain and stayed there for 40 days and 40 nights and the Lord gave him instructions on the Ark of the Covenant and the building of the Tabernacle.

While Moses was gone, the people got worried that he wasn't going to come back - that Moses and the Lord had left them. So, they melted all their gold to make a golden calf to worship. Really?? God promised to rescue you from Egypt and take you to the promised land - oh, and along the way He's already parted the Red Sea, made an entire dirty lake into clean drinking water, provided food everyday, AND you've seen His glory in the clouds and heard His voice... BUT since you haven't heard anything for 40 days it's pretty safe to say He's completely changed His mind and totally abandoned you? NOT! That sounds insane to me.

But I have to stop and think, does it sound insane to me because I already know the rest of the story or because if I were in their position, I would not make the same choices?

And after some time and thought, my answer is NEITHER. It sounds insane to me because I want to be Moses! I don't want to be afraid of the Lord's voice or His presence. I don't want someone else to tell me what God has instore for me - I want to hear it for myself. I want to walk up that mountain and see Him and hear Him because He trusts ME enough to do that.

I want to have the kind of relationship with the Lord that He can say, "Angie, come, walk up this mountain and I will meet you at the top. I will give you a message for others to hear. There will be some work involved, but I trust you. Just listen for my voice and follow Me."

We should all want to be Moses. We should all remember the miracles God has done in our lives and trust the plans He has for us. I know not all will. And like the people of Israel, some will grumble and easily forget the wonderful things God has done in their lives to get them to the promised land. But we serve an awesome God and His grace and mercy is endless. We get 365 chances a year to try to be Moses. Thank goodness, because that mountain is steep and it is big! And I'm not sure I have enough peanut butter sandwiches to get me there!

Joshua 1: 5-6

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them.